He Keeps Me as Backup Emotional Support
When his life falls apart — family issues, work stress, mis problems anxiety — I’m the first person he runs to. He leans on me, cries to me, unloads everything on me. But when things get better, he disappears emotionally. Suddenly, he’s too busy, too distracted, too content to check on me or ask how I’m doing.I feel like a temporary shelter he uses when it rains but forgets the moment the sun comes out.I want to be a partner, not a fallback option only when life gets hard!
Dr. Klara’s Response:
It’s completely understandable that you are feeling confused and overlooked. What you’re describing is an all-too-common dynamic in relationships, where one person becomes the emotional crutch while the other seems to show up only when it suits them. Your feelings of being a “temporary shelter” are valid, and it’s only natural that you want more than just the role of a fallback option.
It sounds like he relies on you during his tough times because he trusts you and feels safe with you, which is a testament to the strength of your connection. However, relationships need to be reciprocal to thrive. It’s unfair for you to shoulder the emotional burdens without experiencing the same level of support in return. You deserve a partner who is emotionally present for you, not just when the skies are gray but when they’re bright and clear, too.
Consider this situation as an opportunity to redefine the boundaries of your love relationship. Start by having an open and honest conversation with him. Timing is key here—choose a moment when he’s not in crisis mode, so he’s more likely to be receptive. You might say something like, “I’m happy to support you when you’re struggling, but I also need to feel supported in return. When things get better for you, I miss that connection between us.” This opens the door for a dialogue rather than a confrontation.
It’s important to communicate your needs clearly. Sometimes, people aren’t aware of how their actions affect others until it’s pointed out to them. Expressing how you feel isn’t about blaming him but about advocating for what you need in the relationship. If he’s willing and able to listen and make changes, you may find the balance you’re looking for.
On the flip side, be prepared for the possibility that he may not be able to give you what you need. If that’s the case, you’ll have to weigh whether this relationship can fulfill you in the long run. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being and emotional health. You deserve a relationship where both parties are committed to being there for each other, especially when life is going smoothly.
In the meantime, it might be helpful to build a support network outside of this relationship. Lean on your friends, family, or even a therapist who can provide you with the emotional support you’re not getting from him. This can help alleviate the emotional load you’ve been carrying and give you more clarity on what you truly want from this relationship.
Remember, it’s perfectly okay to want more from your relationships. You deserve someone who’s there for you, not just in times of storm but also in times of sunshine. Trust that by setting these boundaries and communicating your needs, you’re taking a crucial step towards a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. Keep advocating for yourself, and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve!